I am 28 years old and I’ve just met my Father for the first time.

Prior to meeting him, I had no memories of him or what he looked like.

The last time he saw me I was maybe 3 years old.

Growing up I simply denied that I had a father at all – In my reality he didn’t exist. It was just my Mother and siblings in the house.

There were no pictures of him around, no memories of him to reflect on, and no conversations ever brought up to bring him to mind. A single parent household was all I ever knew and it was the same for most my childhood friends.

I don’t think I was ever mad at him for not being there, nor did I hold any grudges. I really was just indifferent to the idea of ever knowing him.

I never heard much about the type of person he was, all I really knew was that he wasn’t there, and didn’t contribute to our lives and upbringing.

When I was 14 years old, I found out he had been deported from Canada back to Jamaica – too many crimes, too many times. I didn’t care…

When I was around 20 years old I had found out he had been stabbed and I was told he was dead. I didn’t care…

A day later we found out he hadn’t died, his stomach lining was just cut so parts that should be inside his body were outside (I’ll let you use your imagination), but everything was still intact and he got stitched up and was good to go. Great news for him. But again, I didn’t care.

That was the first time I realized he really didn’t matter to me, and why should he? This faceless image I had in my mind of who he was had no meaning to me. Just a stranger I never knew.

That being said, I still planned a trip with my girlfriend to Jamaica and put 2 days aside for the purpose of meeting my biological Father for the first time.

Here Are The Reasons Why I Decided To Meet Him:

1) Curiosity – I wanted to see the face of the man who’s DNA sculpted how I look. I wanted to see what similarities we had in our physical traits, and what his personality was like. Are we the same height? Same smile? Is he smart, funny, quiet, loud?

2) Understanding – It’s easy to just accept he is a bad person and take others word for that. But I believe there are multiple perspectives to every story and he deserves a chance to explain himself. I wanted to hear his side of the story and understand. Why did he leave us? Why didn’t he help my mom financially? Was he scared? Was having children a responsibility he wasn’t ready for at the time?

3) Forgiveness/Clarity – I truly believe I was never mad and didn’t hold a grudge against him through out my life. But I felt I couldn’t truly say to myself that I forgave him without meeting him and showing it through my actions. I believe forgiveness is key to personal freedom in life and that means a lot to me.

4) Opening Up Possibility – I knew I would never have a Father/Son relationship with him and didn’t care to develop a friendship, but I believe in opening up space for “possibility”. So after satisfying the previous points in this list, I wanted to allow for the possibility of some type of relationship if that is what would naturally come from meeting him.

5) Closure/No Regrets – This is the most important reason I went to visit him. Even though I already experienced what my reaction was when I thought he had died when I was 14 (Basically nothing, I didn’t care) that doesn’t meet I wouldn’t have cared in 10, 20, 30 years or in my old age, or if after I have children of my own.

One of the worst emotions in life is that of regret and I know that although not immediately, one day I would regret not putting my ego aside (and money) to go to Jamaica and meet my biological father.

So I did it.

On Jan 16th/17th of 2018. In the middle of our trip backpacking around Jamaica me and my girlfriend went to his side of Jamaica and got an AirBnB. I had brought up gifts for him in the form of shoes and clothing and other little necessities, met up and took him out for dinner and had our first real conversation...

...It wasn't what I had expected.

The visual I had in my mind of how it would have played out involved him being anxious to provide explanations about what happened in the past, and sincere apologies for the choices he had made and wanting to try to make it up.

I expected to feel from him a sense of gratitude towards me for bringing him items from Canada he truly needed, taking him out to dinner, and above all going out of my way to book a ticket to Jamaica and see him despite his past actions.

I felt none of it.

He avoided acknowledging any wrong doing in the past. It appeared as though the giant pink elephant sitting at the dinner table went completely unnoticed by him.

Is that possible? Can this man really be oblivious to what seemed obvious to me? I don't know. Maybe he created a false story in his mind about why he made so many bad decisions in the past, and he felt justified in abandoning his responsibilities and forcing his children and our mother away from him.

Whatever the reason, the conversation was shallow. We discussed family members, what I did for a living, how my trip was going and the typical surface level conversational topics, and then dinner was over.  We left, got in a taxi and went our separate ways.

The next day we went to his small town for one last visit with the reassurance he would be able to provide a place for us to stay for the night.

Things didn't exactly go as expected.

Our first day there we took some pictures together, but then I found myself being paraded around this small Jamaican town (With all my backpacking gear on full display) like the prodigal son. We literally went house to house as he kind of force introduced people to us.  Some people clearly couldn't have cared less haha. That happened about 15-20 times.

I get it though. As a deportee in Jamaica you don't have the greatest reputation and I imagine it's exciting to see your 3 year old son suddenly be reintroduced to you as a 28 year old man after years with no contact and you want people to know about it.

It was really interesting to see the features we had in common.

For one thing, we were identical in height and body structure, I was just bigger overall.

We also often stood the same way and I feel as though we had similar composure. We both seem to observe a lot, relatively quiet and get lost in our thoughts at times.

You know, spending a lot of time in our minds.

It was interesting to watch him try to explain things, because I could sense he has a good level of intelligence, but he had a hard time articulating his thoughts.

Vocabulary makes such a difference in communication...

But anyway, and so we continued.

As the evening neared my girlfriend and I found ourselves lead back at the house of this very kind, sweet older lady who we were introduced to earlier in the day. We weren't sure why at first but as we chatted with her more, my Father's presence disappeared. We were confused! Including this sweet old lady.

As we shared our story of the day with her a realization set in...

It was clear that we had no real place to stay!

It seems he brought us to her house with hopes she would take us in for the night.

Which in hindsight was no surprise, his "house" wasn't exactly livable.

The problem is she was never asked, and we were never told. We had assumed he had arranged a place for us to stay like he had said.

This just added on to the "less than ideal" impression and experience of meeting my father for the first time. I was hoping the views people had told me about him were not true but he was doing a bad job of showing otherwise.

He did eventually come back a few hours later in the night to "make sure we were alright" and invite me out to the bar. I declined.

Luckily for us she welcomed us to stay the night as she was understanding of our situation (and his character more than we knew).

It turns out she has a home in Ontario, Canada which is the province I live in, and she spends the winter months retired in Jamaica. We had a lot of things to talk about and it turned out to be a great experience and an unexpected great connection.

I also found out she went to elementary school with my grandmother (May she rest in peace) around 60 years prior in this very town I was staying in!

After being pampered for the night with great food and a rare and welcomed hot shower, we woke up in the morning to a great breakfast, thanked her and said our good byes.

Before leaving the town to continue our backpacking trip around Jamaica I went by my Father to let him know we were leaving. Before jumping in the taxi I could see he was waiting for the right moment to say something.

I thought he was nervous and having a hard time simply saying sorry for the years of not being there or at least for what happened the night before.

But no, he used it as one more opportunity to let me down. With his last words to me he asked:

 "Could you, Uhm...Do you have some drinking money for me...?"

...I didn't know how to react.

Part of me wanted to get angry, part of me was confused, and part of me felt sorry for this man who was clearly so oblivious to the situation he was in. He's never really met me up until this occasion, he likely never will again, and after a life time of absence those are the words he choose?

It's funny because at times I find myself trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, and find an angle or perspective that would allow me to feel as if he was justified in his actions - I don't think I'm that creative.

Now in his defence, I don't think he is a bad person (He's a nice guy and all) I just think he has not come to terms with his own reality regarding WHY we have never met, and has made (and continues to make) decisions that do not truly serve him.

That was my first (and probably last) experience meeting my biological Father.

Then again, who knows what the future holds.

A bit disappointing, yet satisfying because it gave me the closure I've needed all these years

So here is my advice to anyone who has a decision to make as far as meeting a Mother, Father or estranged person in their life.

Do not do it for that person.

Do not do it for the family member who thinks you should.

Do not do it "Because they are blood and it's only right".

Do not do it because you feel guilty or feel that you owe that person anything.

Do it for you, and only you!

Do it only if you feel that it is what will allow your mind to come to a place of clarity, freedom and peace.

Do it because your forgiveness opens up space for new possibilities in your life and you want to free yourself of emotional bondage.

Do it because you feel safe and be okay with the result, don't set expectations. Let what happens simply be what happens.

I hope my experience and story will serve and be impactful for even just 1 person.

Please feel free to share this post with anyone you feel it will help.

If you have a similar story or experience related to this topic you are comfortable to share,
PLEASE leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you!


Adrian Logan
Hero Awakener - Be Your Own Hero

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Leave A Comment Below:

    54 replies to "Meeting My Biological Father For The First Time | The Story & Should You Do It?"

    • Patty

      Wow Adrian this is amazing story and I feel it took alot of courage to do this. I knew your Father long time ago. Your a very inspiring young man and I am sure your Mother is very proud

      • Adrian Logan

        Thanks for commenting! I read some stories online about other peoples experience meeting their Father for the first time before I went. I felt like being vulnerable and sharing my own experience may help the next person considering doing the same.

        Each one teach one! Thanks again encouraging words.

        • Benjamin

          Good evening Adrian, it’s hard but I have to meet my father’s family since he was the one I wanted to meet hey he is dead, I’m 34 and I feel and cried many times and I think I need to do this for myself just like you said…

          I don’t know how I would feel and if I’ll be welcome and someone would acknowledge that yes indeed my father spoke about me, emotion as I right things email address basiedu123@gmail.com

          • Shannon

            No matter your age or circumstance, it is so important to at least know something of your parent (s). I am on a journey as well. Strange all the things that one feels – again, no matter your age or circumstance.

            • lucy

              I had a range of emotions but just knowing didn’t fill my void, I initially rejected my father because of fear of getting too close and being hurt. He was patient with me and I started to see he was a good man. I continued my journey, It takes time to get to know to each other but if equally committed, it’s an emotional and fulfilling experience for both which will last a lifetime.

    • Christina

      Hey Adrian, reading your story gave me such an insightful perspective for gaining clarity about certain situations. Especially in this case meeting your father. I found myself constantly noticing your personality and (heart) throughout this experience. I can definitely sense authenticity and truth when you share your story and for me that’s very captivating and refreshing. I would like to say you’ve taken all the possibilities into consideration and for that perhaps taking into reasoning the greatest purpose in your father’s life was being part of creating you. At least in my eyes that’s how I see it. Haha it’s funny because that’s what I always tell my mom that her only reason for existence was to give birth to me. Well definitely looking forward to what’s to come!

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey, Thanks for commenting and the kind words 😉 I’d feel some odd way about summing up someone’s purpose in life as simply having me. But I definitely use that as a reason to be grateful to him!

    • Gio

      Hey Adrien Logan,
      Sorry for the dissapointing experience, nonetheless a great read. I am going to meet my biological father for the first time in a few days and I wanted to hear the perspective of someone who’s been in this situation.
      Thanks for the advice.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Gio, Thanks for taking the time to comment. I hope you grow and find peace from your experience. It’s a bold move that you won’t regret I’m sure.

        If you feel comfortable enough to, leave a comment afterwards with your experience. Along with myself, I’m sure others in the same situation reading this post would find value in your experience/story as well.

        Thanks again!

    • itodo Jonathan

      hey Adrian, thank you for your time and sorry for your experience but it worth knowing the unknown, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that the family I love is and is not actually my full family, I don’t know how to put it into words, like my mother had an affair with another man and I was conceived, like the story of Solomon birth. my supposed dad use to hang around everytime he sees me, I know he has something to tell me bout I don’t care to know, but lately I am feeling uncomfortable being the I don’t care person, I want to know my roots, thought I didn’t have much to travel to his village but I am saving up money, so at the end of this year I am going to meet him, talk to him and see what is in store for me.

      • Adrian Logan

        Thanks for your comment Itodo and being open. I appreciate it.

        I can completely relate to your feelings about not wanting to be the “I don’t care” person. For a long time it was a grey area in my life that I didn’t care to shine any light on, but the possibility of regret one day is what caused me to do it.

        No matter what the outcome of your meeting with him is, you can be sure you will walk away with peace of mind, and knowing that you at least opened the door of possibility. Also for your children (present or future) it will be a great example and story to share one day about character, and self-awarness.

        “That which you most need will be found where you least want to look” – Jung

    • Nefeli Leal

      Adrian, I literally googled “should I meet my biological father?” and found your article. It gives me such relief that there are others who go through this for most of their life just like me. I’m 26 years old and my father separated from my family when I was 2. I have no memories of him. All I know is his name. My mother never wanted to tell me anything about him. This always led me to believe I shouldn’t care. My whole life has been a battle of curiosity and shutting it down. It is such an emotional roller coaster and I can’t find too many people to relate to. One thing that does shut down my curiosity to meet him is my mother. How did that conversation go with yours? How did she react? P.S. Your article was a true blessing. I cried reading it because I felt like I was in your shoes!

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Nefeli!

        Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your situation.

        With my mother, over the years when I was younger she certainly left a bad taste in my mouth, never saying too much about him, and saying very little when he came up in conversation.

        But being 28 years old, when I told here I’d be heading to Jamaica and planned to meet with him (very briefly might I add) I believe I explained to here that it’s a grey area in my life that I have to shine a light on, for better or for worse, in order to continue growing as a person.

        I made it clear I wasn’t doing it for him, I was doing it for me. I think she really understood it and respected me for it. If I said it when I was 14 I’m sure she would have stomped on that idea more, but as an adult she understood and without saying it, I think she was proud of me for going into it with an open mind.

        It didn’t turn out great in my case. But the grey area is now clear and I never again have to wonder “what if?”. I feel great about it”

        I’m glad my story has moved you, and I’m confident that as long as you act on your curiosity, whatever the outcome, you’ll find peace with it as well.

        If you want to share how it goes. I’d love to hear the outcome if you choose to share it.

        You can always send me a message on my FB page at http://www.facebook.com/adrianloganpage

        Or email me adrian@adrianlogan.com

        Thanks again Nefeli!


    • Ciara

      Thanks for this post! I’m literally going through this right now. I’m 27 and just made contact with my biological father (Jamaican as well) for the first time in my life. For me it’s been via Facebook and so far just one phone call.

      Growing up my mom didn’t like talking about him. I knew only his name and that he was probably deported back to Jamaica. She made him seem like a scary person that I should avoid. So I did! But last summer I went on a missions trip and I had a spiritual awakening. God made it very clear that I need to meet this man or at least try.

      After seeing his photos online, The resemblance is crazy. Everyone thought my mom and I were twins but nope, I really look like him.

      He seems really nice and excited to talk to me. I’m trying my best to not get ahead of myself but I feel my nerves getting to me and my expectations growing. Trying to stay out of head and let it (whatever IT is) happen naturally.

    • Ciara

      Hey Adrian,

      Thanks for this post! I’m literally going through this right now. I’m 27 and just made contact with my biological father (Jamaican as well) for the first time in my life. For me it’s been via Facebook and so far just one phone call.

      Growing up my mom didn’t like talking about him. I knew only his name and that he was probably deported back to Jamaica. She made him seem like a scary person that I should avoid. So I did! But last summer I went on a missions trip and I had a spiritual awakening. God made it very clear that I need to meet this man or at least try.

      After seeing his photos online, The resemblance is crazy. Everyone thought my mom and I were twins but nope, I really look like him.

      He seems really nice and excited to talk to me. I’m trying my best to not get ahead of myself but I feel my nerves getting to me and my expectations growing. Trying to stay out of head and let it (whatever IT is) happen naturally.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Ciara, Thanks for sharing 🙂

        It’s kind of surreal seeing yourself in another person right? I look nothing like anyone in my family so when I saw the resemblance I have with my Father when I did meet him it was crazy!

        I think you have the right idea in letting “It” happen, and as mentioned in my blog, simply releasing all expectations.

        I think that if you sense that he is excited to talk to you…then he probably genuinely is. We all make mistakes in life and whatever circumstance lead your father to not being there, he’s had a long time to think about it and replay his past choices in his head.

        Your mother is going to have her lasting impressions of him, but there are a lot of meanings she put on her experiences that don’t always match the reality of what happened. We can’t blame our mothers. A lot of times they are justified in how they feel.

        Regardless of the outcome if you end up meeting him, I’m confident you wont regret the decisions to be open to it 🙂

    • Alyssa

      I have just recently got in contact with my half brother…. we share the same father. Its a very long and complicated story. My parents separated when was 2. My mother quickly remarried and she went on to have another daughter with my step dad. I was not told he was not my father until I was 12 yrs old. my mom has refused to speak about my biological father simply stating hes a bad and dangerous man no pictures no memories shared etc. I have recently got in contact with my younger half brother is 9yrs younger. He said the opposite of our father and that our dad has spoke about me his entire life. I feel very conflicted about the situation now and I’m not sure what to do. my half brother has offered to have my biological father call me to talk and I’m lost. I told my mother and she is very hurt and upset. I feel like I’ve been lied to my entire life.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Alyssa,

        I can’t imagine how it would feel to find that out about your father/step-father at the age of 12. I can understand your feelings, because the truth was kept from you!

        It’s my belief that no one is inherently bad, and we all make decisions because in the moment we believe it’s the best decision to make with the limited information we have. I’m sure your Father isn’t as bad as she lead you to believe, and I bet your half brother is right about who he is. Probably very excited and curious to meet you as well.

        I think your mother not letting you know the truth had positive intentions behind it, and though I don’t think it’s right, she may actually believe your biological Father is a bad person, as a result, she tried to protect you.

        That much you can’t control, but the one thing you can control is opening up space to find out for yourself. No expectations, no attachment. Just opening the door and seeing what comes of it.

        I’m sure you’ll find huge relief and possibly an amazing relationship.

        I hope if/when you do meet him, your mother will find understanding on why you did, the same way my mother did 🙂

        Thank you so much for sharing Alyssa


    • Basia Davis

      My father is in Africa I’m 23 I never met him before so emotional and he bought a ticket for me to come next week from New York I’m so nervous and In need of advice im stuck in middle because I had 2 toddlers im gonna miss Christmas new yrs my daughter birthday please contact me 3479629000 my name is basia Davis I’m suppose to leave the 22nd !

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Basia,

        Having the plane ticket already purchased for you definitely throws in the element of urgency to an otherwise already emotional decision. If I was in your position some things I’d consider is whether or not you have other family or people you trust over there that you can count on if things don’t go so pleasant. That way you don’t find yourself stranded or lacking options.

        In general, I’d recommend not making a decision solely because he purchased a flight for you. That causes a sense of urgency that could make you go simply because you don’t want the ticket to be wasted. There’s always other opportunities so if you feel it’s not worth missing the holidays and birthdays with your family, you can always find another time to do it.

        Being nervous of course is normal, just the result of going outside of your comfort zone and being unsure of what will come from it.

        I’m willing to send you a message on whatsapp,

        Thanks for commenting and sharing.


    • Nina

      Thank you for posting this. I will be going through this same event in a couple days, and I haven’t told anyone excpet my boyfriend, because I know it would break so many of my family’s hearts. I’m dealing with a lot, but appreciate that somoene else out there has gone through the same thing.

      • Adrian Logan

        Thanks for taking the time to comment Nina.

        I hope you find what you’re looking for. I’ve received some very nice emails from people who’ve read this post as they get ready to meet an estranged parent and it appears regardless of the outcome, everyone feels very good about having made the decision to do it.

        I’m confident you’ll find the same peace with your decision as well 🙂 All the best!

    • Heidi Stillings

      Thank you so much for the article. My son is in this situation. He is 22 and never met his father. Although I thought that I would never have to share the information it has become apparently clear that he needs to do this. I love my son more than anything and know that regardless of the pain reliving the situation will cause me, he needs this for his mental and emotional health. I have reached out the his father and pray that he will meet with him. I tried very hard to be non confrontational and say that regardless of the past he has an opportunity to change the future between them. I also let him know there are no expectations and that my son is wonderful and that if he chooses to meet that he does so with an open heart. My son was very concerned about hurting me, but at the end of the day, the choices I was part of put us in this situation. His father left when I was 4 months pregnant and I didn’t chase him or force him to be a father. I was young and he was not. The consequences of out past always find us. I have forgiven and want to whatever I have to do for my son. Making that initial contact was very emotional for me, I pray that he gives my son what he needs in whatever form that is and that I will be able to support him in this season.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Heidi,

        I can only imagine how emotional that would have been for you. It speaks a lot about the type of person you are with the fact you are able to realize all of this and put your sons mental and emotional health first. Sometimes it’s hard to see through the cloud of our own emotions, but it sounds like through the hurt and pain you’re doing the right thing.

        I read the other day about an actual sperm donor who said he occasionally has people find him and get in contact with him even though he wasn’t a parent, just a donor. My point being….It’s natural for us to want to see who we came from. So as a parent in your position, regardless of what your experience with the man was in the past, your sons desire to see him is nothing that should be taken personally by you. It’s instinctive for us to see who we came from.

        Thanks so much for commenting. I hope your son finds what he is looking for. You sound like an awesome Mother


    • JC

      Thanks for sharing, Adrian. I’m going through the same situation. I’m 28 and haven’t meet my father before. My mother passed away when I was 12. I was his only son. She had me she was 17 and was a maid at my father’s home. She had to leave the place for she was pregant and was a second wife. Due to political reasons, my father was sentenced for 20 years. Growing up I was raised by my grandmother and life was always hard. I had no chance to learn aboht his story. Got to know him through the story I was told by my grandmother and my aunties and uncles as well as from the news at the internet. He was recently released and I’m planning to meet him. I don’t know what I will ask him. I am even afraid to meet him for He is not best known, some people describe him as a criminal… Maybe I will cry when I meet him and surely I’ll put an eye on his face and see myself some similarities between me and him.

      Thanks for sharing

      • Adrian Logan

        Thanks for sharing JC, I’m sure you story will help others reading.

        Though we’ve spoken a bit on other social media platforms, I’d love to know how things work out for you and how the rest of your story plays out.

        I’m putting a lot of time into my YouTube channel making videos, and one day I would like to make a video about this topic. When that day comes, and if you’re willing, I may reach out to ask to share your story too once you’ve met him, regardless of the outcome.

        I had no idea me writing this would be read by so many people and give others the inspiration to do the same, so it would make a great video to discuss as well.

        Keep it tough!

    • Emma-Lynn

      Hi Adrian. I read your story and wow. That was an ending I was no expecting! I hope you read this and have the time to reply but if not, that’s ok too. When I was 6 months old my father left my mother and I have no memory of him. Let’s just say (for the sake of privacy) I’m a teenager now and I want to meet him. But I’m not sure how my mom would react when I tell her how I feel. I have this deep desire to find the other half of who created me and just get to have a conversation with him. I know you were a lot older then me when you met your father, but I have a few questions.

      1. Should I be scared to ask my mom about meeting him?
      2. How did you start conversation? I feel like there is so much I would want to say at one time!
      3. Did you keep in contact with him?

      Thanks so much,

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Emma-Lynn,

        Thanks for commenting. I always have time to reply!

        You mention you have a desire to “find” the other half that created you. So It sounds like at the moment you don’t have any way of contacting him without going through your Mother? I’ll assume that with my answers for now but you can tell me otherwise.

        1: I understand why you would feel cautious and unsure about bringing it up with your Mother. That’s natural since you care about what she thinks and you don’t want to upset her.

        With that being said I’m a big believer in taking action when it’s within our control to find peace within ourselves and for me that meant meeting my Father. I was not willing to let anything get in the way of that, not because I really wanted to meet him, but because in order for me to find inner peace, I had to meet him. *Inner Peace* was the priority. I hope that makes sense.

        I of course had the benefit of being at a point in my life of not *needing* my Mothers consent to do it, so I told her about it knowing regardless of how she felt I was doing it anyway.

        It sounds like because of your age and possibly because she may be the only one that could help you do it, that you will need her approval. So you may need to go about it differently than I did.

        2: With my mom, I explained to her I have a grey area inside of me that I’ve ignored for a long time, and in order to move forward in my life with mental & emotional clarity, I need to clear that grey area out and that involves meeting my Father, and then whatever happens – happens.

        I think with your Mother it’s important that you make it clear you’re aware she may not feel very good about him and you appreciate everything she’s done for you, but that you feel the best thing for your life is to meet your father. And make it clear to her you aren’t necessarily trying to have a relationship with him, but you just need to meet him as part of your journey towards inner peace and emotional clarity.

        As I mentioned in my blog, I was okay if after meeting him I never saw him again. But it was allowing for the possibility of something to happen that I was looking for. To hear his side of the story, to look him in the eyes and see who I partly came from. To clear out that grey area that has been tucked away and ignored for so long.

        So if you explain that you aren’t doing this for him, but are actually doing it for YOU, I think she will have a better understanding as long as she isn’t concerned about you being in any type of danger.

        She may even respect you more as an individual because of it. What if she gets mad and doesn’t understand and refuses to let you see him? You may have to accept that until you are at an age or point in your life when you can make that decision regardless of her approval. That’s the point I was at, and it’s a decision I was willing to make.

        But if due to your circumstance or age you rely on her for living, then you may need to wait until you are more independent. Hopefully she understands.

        You may even consider telling her my story.

        3. I have not kept in contact with my Father. He’s called me many times, and messaged me on Whatsapp, But I’ve only talked to him once over the phone and a couple times very briefly when he’s messaged me.

        He reminded me of his birthday and made comments that seemed to suggest he wanted something from me. I’ve made the decision I’m very happy with my decision to meet him, but do not want to seek any further relationship with him. Some people close to me in my life don’t agree with me not continuing contact with him. But my happiness is my priority.

        If he acted differently or showed a sincere desire to improve in his life, or accepted responsibility for his past, or made any attempt to give and not take than maybe things would have been different, but it wasn’t. Oh well 🙂

        I’d love to know how it eventually goes for you.

    • Emma-Lynn

      Also, I wish everyone who meets there unknown parents luck! I wish the best for you all!!

    • Reine

      Hello all! thank you Adrian for sharing! The best of the best I heart in your story is that you did not plan for pushing the mind to act on reflection! those two days with your Father for you was a great moment to recover and get hunger out! you planned joy, reconstruction and injection of new energy for you, hoping to share all with ur Father. The reality shows you that no matter how the good plate will stay delicious if only is prepared to commanded one.

      May everyone set good commands in preparation before meet unknown father

    • Adrian Logan

      Hey Reine, Thanks for commenting.

      It was certainly a challenge, but I find myself in a much more free slace in my mental state and can move forward with no regrets 🙂

      All the best

    • Dusti

      I met my bio-dad this spring. It wasn’t pleasant. He’s a millionaire and I’m just a regular person. He’s extremely intelligent and me? Not so much. I too was paraded around his circle of friends. His step-daughter from second (he’s on his 3rd marriage) marriage was jealous and made a scene. I had the audacity to tell him how I didn’t like that and now he told me to stay the Eff out of his life. He pushed the relationship extremely fast. Bought me a plane ticket to go see him even though I said I didn’t want him to pay and threw it in my face. I share a half brother with this step sister. I haven’t reached out for fear of his rejection. It’s a mess. I gained awesome aunts, cousins, and grandparents. But I still wish I’d never found him.

      • Adrian Logan

        Thanks for sharing Dusti.

        That’s quite the situation. I can understand the feeling of wishing you’d never met him. Though atleast now it’s a door you can finally close in your life and move on from.

        All the best!

    • Ken

      Thank you Adrian, am 29 now, i doubt i have needed to meet my father when everything is going right in my life. But brother everytime i go through deep challenges all i long for is my father, the man i have never met. I normally refrain from talking about my issues and i get in this sickening cacoon that feel like endless hell…i know if i was to meet him i would open up only to him if he would care. Your story is an eye opener, all over sudden i understand i would like to meet him for closure..I NEED to know if i can atleast open up to him, the thought of him ignoring me breaks my heart…but surely in the end i would open a new chapter in my life knowing he doesnt care..and i know i never turn back.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Ken,

        I can completely resonate with that feeling and view. I found that the fact I kept ignoring and refusing to visit that part in my mind was evidence I need to shine a light on it. That’s why I did it.

        It’s about self love and peace of mind. Discovering what could be and clearing out that space in the mind to give room for better things to take it’s place.

        Everyone’s situation is different but it was the right move for me, and like you I won’t turn back. I haven’t had any reason communication with him since that time which at this point was 1.5 years ago. I hope it all works out for you, regardless of the outcome.

        Thanks for sharing Ken.

    • Crystal

      Thank you for posting this. I am in this situation, i am 33 years old and my father was a marine and dated my mom for two years before i was conceived. Being young, he denied that i was his and he was transferred to Japan.

      I grew up being told what his name was that he was an ass, and that i should be prepared for rejection. I am now 33 years old and eight months ago i got his phone number from the internet and called him. Expecting to just ask some family history questions, he opened his arms and wanted to build a relationship with me.

      Now , eight months later, we have been texting and speaking on the phone. I will be meeting him for the first time on Saturday the 19th. I am flying there, 3000 miles to where he lives. I am nervous but very excited. I look like him, i speak like him and am very excited to see things in person.

      This still feels like a dream and i fear that it will not end well. I am holding out hope that everything is as it seems and i will have a wonderful trip.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Crystal, That’s awesome. It will be nerve racking, but it’s worth answering the “what if?” and seeing what possibility lies ahead.

        Regardless of how it goes it will be something I’m sure you will not regret. and by the sounds of it, it’s going very positive so far!

        If you’re anything like me, as an adult you can kind of empathize with where he was when he made the decision to leave, totally not saying what he did was right (same with my father) but a certain understanding of how the pressures of responsibility and adulthood can cause laps in judgement. So now that you are an adult I believe you’ll find some common ground.

        I know you said you leave tomorrow, so I hope for all the best with your experience!

    • Jen K.

      Thank you for sharing your story, and the reasons you chose to meet your biological father.
      I found my father a few years ago via Facebook, and now 3 years after that, and 35 years after no contact, we are finally going to meet next week.
      I think my expactations are a little higher than yours because my father has taken a week off work, and booked a flight to come spend time getting to know me. My husband amd I have opened our home to him to stay for Thanksgiving.
      After first chatting with him, I feel no grudge or ill will, and I am hopeful that we will maintain some contact and relationship after we meet.
      Your last comments of WHY you chose to meet your father are very helpful, and that’s how I know, regardless of how it turns out, that the time has finally come to meet him.
      Again, thank you for sharing your story and helping others in a similar situation.
      I have always feared the unknown more than anything else; your words have given me some courage for taking this leap.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Jen, Thanks for sharing.

        I’m glad the post has helped even in the smallest of ways.

        Sounds like you’ve got a really strong foundation to build off of with your time coming over the holidays and the more intimate setting to ask questions and get the air cleared out between you all.

        Hope you go on to have a great relationship! All the best!

    • Davy

      Thank you.

    • Alyza

      Im meeting my father for the first time in 6 years tommorow.
      We haven’t so much as sent a text to each other
      And I’ve only been talking to him lately through his wife, my step mum.
      The last I saw him I was entering high school, and weirdly enough I was the only kid in my friend group without a father figure. I only realised what I was missing when my friends talked about their parents or I went to their houses. Other then that, I felt like I was living a normal life with my siblings and my mother.
      Reading your story helped me to clarify to myself, that I am doing this for me.
      And no matter how it turns out I’m gonna get through it.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Alyza, I’m glad my story has helped.

        I hope your meeting with your Father went well and you were able to clear up some things in your mind and find some inner peace/closure.

        Thanks for sharing and all the best going forward!

    • Samantha

      Great article. My daughter is 6 years old and asks about her estranged biological dad she’s never met. It gives me hope and encouragement how to guide her thru all this.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Samantha, Thanks for sharing. I don’t have children on my own but I can only imagine how difficult it must be to try to navigate that conversation with a 6 year old! I’m glad the story of my experience will help you. All the best

    • Tifany L.

      I met my biological father last August 2019. I was told at 23 years old by my dad who was an alcoholic and drunk as ever that he wasn’t my dad and he knew I was told already by my mother. Uh no.. wait what you’re not my father what! He went back and forth with the info like any drunk would soI made him leave, something I normally wouldn’t have done because well he was drunk and driving. I called my mom and tricked her into telling me the truth. I grew up with an alcoholic dad who I felt didn’t give two cents about me. I was told my bio dad knew about me. I felt like there were two men who didn’t want me as a daughter. I was hurt, angry and confused, I wrote my bio father a scathing angry letter. This was back in 1992 approximately. Fast forward to 2018 and a friend is posting about her bio dad and her search. I follow that story until she meets him and he passes shortly after. I go through her friends list and there he is my biological half brother. I told my friend my story and that my brother is on her friend’s list, this is niw July 2019. She contacts my brother, he doesn’t know he has a sister. I message him a long letter and a bunch of pictures showing my similarities to our father. They meet me a couple weeks later. My younger brother looks just like my youngest son wth facial features, gestures and its just amazing. They insist I contact our dad and they’ll support me through this crazy time. We do a DNA test that is 99.999995%positive he’s my father. I tell him my goal is to know them, learn the family medical background. I want nothing but acceptance and to know everyone. He insists we have a family gathering so everyone can meet, my children grandchildren, nieces, nephews and know each other. We’ve slowly have got to know each other but he’s now in hospice and has days to live. I held my pain and buried emotions for 28 years. It was worth meeting my biological family even though he knew about the “chance” I was his I forgave him, forgave my mother and birth certificate dad for burying this info for 23 years. It’s a hard, emotional roller coaster of a ride. I wouldn’t change it except to go forth with contact earlier in life not to wait 28 years.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Tifany, Thanks a lot for sharing. Incredible story. I know it can be tough but I’m glad to see how great your perspective on it is and has become. All the best and stay safe!

    • Michael Caceres

      Adrian, thank you so much for sharing your experience and opinions on meeting your bio father. Honestly I have been juggling the idea of meeting my bio father for about a month. I got in contact with him last year and tried to create this fake over the phone friendship but that was just short lived, I think because I feel like I am betraying my aunt and uncle who I lived with since I was 3. I am 29 now but at 14 both my aunt and uncle took there lives 4 days apart(long story but mental illness is very real and very prevalent) . Not sure if that is considered orphand because my bio mother was and is still alive but suffers from schitzo affective disorder(I assume reason for not knowing my father, or pressure at a young age to raise a child.) So I ended up moving in with my 17 year old brother who inherited what ever assets were left from the death of his parents I say his parents because I was never legally adopted, which kinda angers me but I always find myself thankful for them taking me in. My parents were great, and I feel instilled very good morals and values into me, but I lost them at 14. I am just curious to see what made me into the man I am today, was it self learned knowledge or knowledge that has been ingrained in my dna.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Michael, Thanks for sharing. That’s quite a story/experience. I can certainly understand the curiosity. I think it’s part of human experience to have that, especially when our childhoods are…abnormal. Though who’s to say what normal is anymore. Thanks again for sharing. I’m glad my story has helped a bit. All the best!

    • Kate

      Hi I’m in a similar situation and find it helpful to read about other peoples experience meeting their father for the first time. Any tips on where to find more stories like this?

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Kate. I agree it’s helpful hearing other stories. I just googled/youtubed “Meeting my biological father/mother for the first time” and read a few stories that showed up. Very well could be a subreddit dedicated to this type of thing but I’m not sure

    • Rachel

      Hey Adrian, I’m Rachel, and I just meat my dad like this year during the summer. He was not at all what I expected. Your story is like mine but 28 and not 14. But I totally understand how you felt. I’m glad I got to read your story to see that other people understand what it’s like.

      • Adrian Logan

        Hey Rachel, I’m happy sharing my story has helped you a bit, and glad you at least got to explore the possibility of seeing who he is. All the best moving forward for you!

    • D

      Wow what a story… my father left my mother when I was 1 and i have never seen or spoken to him since. Yesterday we spoke for the first time and planning to meet next month.
      I’m really hoping he’s changed

      • Adrian Logan

        Wow that’s going to be quite the experience. I hope it works out for the best, but even if it doesn’t, at least you experienced the possibility for it to happen!

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